you

i still think of you

the way you held me

the way your lips tasted

the feeling of your skin against mine

i miss they way we used to laugh

i miss falling asleep in your arms

i miss kissing you

i miss holding your hand

and seeing you smile

i loved you more

than you did me

i always have

and you proved that to me

i gave you everything i had

and you threw it in the dirt

and when i was small

and helpless

you abandoned me

i want you

to love me

to make me feel wanted

i want to give you

everything you couldn’t give me

because it’s what you deserve

and despite what you did

i’ve never been this hung up

on someone

you still give me butterflies

and i’ve moved on

but you’re still stuck

in my fucking head

why can’t i let you go

v.w

07.10.19

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her

i didn’t realize

i was in love with her

until she started hurting

and it broke me to pieces.

her eyes filled with tears

and i felt every part of me shatter.

her sadness made me want to give her

every sliver of happiness i have.

i want to give her the world.

i want to see her smile

and hear her laugh.

i want to hold her hand

and tell her she’s beautiful.

i want her to show her she’s worth

so much more

than how she feels.

but sexuality is a road block.

for all i know, she doesn’t see me

in the same light i see her.

she is a goddess

and i’m just her best friend.

i guess i’ll just admire her from afar.

until then, i’ll never let her forget

that she’s worth something

and she deserves the world.

v.w.

5.10.19

gone

my clothes smell like you.

songs remind me of you.

when i can’t sleep at night

all i want

is to wrap my arms around you.

but you’re not here,

and you’re not there.

you’ve moved on

and you’re tired of hearing about it.

my name stings your tongue

and fills you with hatred.

you said you loved me,

but i’m beginning to see

that it was all a lie.

you never wanted me.

you wanted someone to fuck.

and i’m sorry for being brutal

but you fucked me up.

i gave you my whole heart

and in return,

i received nothing.

you never showed affection.

you never said i love you.

you never gave me the time of day

to prove that i was worth something.

and i want you to know

that now that you’re gone,

i will be too.

but much farther away.

ill be sitting among the nymphs,

watching you,

protecting you.

because even though

you wasted months of my life,

i loved you

and i would never

wish harm upon you.

i hope you’re happier now,

because i know

that soon enough,

i’ll be happier too.

v.w.

4.19.19

kissing strangers

i drove for hours

in the pouring rain

to see you,

to hold your hand,

to be with you.

the days passed us by.

you got more distant

every hour

i started to question

why i was still there.

every now and then,

you’d feel like home

but i went right back

to feeling as if

i was unwanted

i spent three days

kissing a stranger

who will never love me

v.w.

11.12.18

how i fell in love

i can’t stop thinking about the first time i fell asleep wrapped up in your arms.

the way you held me throughout the night, and the way you kissed me.

as time went by, we started seeing more of each other.

and there were forehead kisses, and tickle fights, and we would cuddle on the couch until we fell asleep.

the more we saw each other, the more intimate out visits became.

and i don’t mean sex, i mean little things that you do when you love someone.

like kiss their hands or lock eyes for a second.

and i know all this is going to end.

as much as i want to still call you mine, i know i’m going to be let down.

and i’m going to cry.

and i’m going to regret falling in love with you.

but for now, you are mine. and i’m going to embrace my time with you, before it runs out.

because at the end of the day, at least i can say i was happy.

v.w.

2.26.19