split skin

(tw)

i miss the feeling

of driving a blade

into my skin

and tearing the layers apart.

i miss the feeling

of the sting

once the cuts have been made.

i miss the feeling

of blood

dripping down my arm

into a crimson pool

beside my bed.

there was so much

satisfaction

that came with

hurting myself.

i still feel as if

i deserve it.

i do these things

to myself

so i can feel

something.

anything.

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sleep

it’s been forever

since i’ve been able

to close my eyes

and drift off.

the thought of you

remains in my mind.

your smile,

your laugh,

the way you say my name.

i couldn’t stay away

i drove to your house

and finally fell asleep

in your arms

v.w.

2.28.19

kissing strangers

i drove for hours

in the pouring rain

to see you,

to hold your hand,

to be with you.

the days passed us by.

you got more distant

every hour

i started to question

why i was still there.

every now and then,

you’d feel like home

but i went right back

to feeling as if

i was unwanted

i spent three days

kissing a stranger

who will never love me

v.w.

11.12.18

how i fell in love

i can’t stop thinking about the first time i fell asleep wrapped up in your arms.

the way you held me throughout the night, and the way you kissed me.

as time went by, we started seeing more of each other.

and there were forehead kisses, and tickle fights, and we would cuddle on the couch until we fell asleep.

the more we saw each other, the more intimate out visits became.

and i don’t mean sex, i mean little things that you do when you love someone.

like kiss their hands or lock eyes for a second.

and i know all this is going to end.

as much as i want to still call you mine, i know i’m going to be let down.

and i’m going to cry.

and i’m going to regret falling in love with you.

but for now, you are mine. and i’m going to embrace my time with you, before it runs out.

because at the end of the day, at least i can say i was happy.

v.w.

2.26.19